For this post, I’m taking creative liberty and writing fictional scenarios that I hope will help share my point. No one in this story is real. This never actually happened. 

***

Cynthia sighed as she stirred the pasta. Her husband would be home any minute now from work. She’d started cooking a little later then she’d wanted, but at least she’d gotten it started. After stirring the pasta one last time, she went over to the sink. There were dishes piling up from lunch and working on dinner. The sauce was simmering and would be fine on its own for a moment. The pasta didn’t need constant attention, so she worked on the dishes.

“Ahhh Uhhhh,” came from her baby monitor and she turned to look at it. Her baby girl had gone down for a slightly later nap after a long, energetic period of exploration. Her other two kids were playing in the living room and seemed happy enough for the moment. It had given her enough time to breathe to start dinner. 

She paused, waiting to hear if more noises would come from the monitor. More came. She turned off the sink, leaving the rest of the dishes, and dried her hands. She grabbed her phone and brought up the app that connected with the baby monitor. It showed her daughter now awake, and starting to move around in her crib. She was happy enough. It would be hard to take care of her and finish with dinner. The sauce was already starting to splatter. 

Cynthia looked from her daughter on her phone screen to the sauce.

She’ll be okay for a minute, she told herself, and hopefully Josh will be home soon. 

She kept her phone open to the app so she could keep an eye on Raeyln.

The sauce hissed. A splatter fell out onto the stove. 

The pasta was bubbling a bit roughly. 

“Hey!” she could hear her eldest son exclaim. 

Cynthia stirred the sauce and pasta. She turned down the heat for both. In the background, her daughter’s noises became less happy. Her two boys began to argue. 

The sauce bubbled and splattered whenever she stopped stirring it. She turned down the heat again. 

“Mom! Mom!” her eldest son called, “Spencer won’t give it back! He ruined my tower and won’t give the blocks back!”

Cynthia looked at the sauce. It was mixed together well enough. She turned off the heat and then looked at the living room where her sons played. “Spencer, did you knock down Dennis’s block tower?”

Her little four year old looked up at her with big eyes, blocks hoarded behind him and tightly clutched in his hands. 

Dennis grabbed for one of the blocks. 

Spencer screamed and wacked at him.

The timer for the pasta went off. 

“Boys, I need you to play nicely.”

The baby monitor kept flashing as her daughter began to cry. 

“Give them back!” Dennis yelled. 

Cynthia turned off the fire on the pasta. She needed the strainer. As she opened the cupboard to grab it she said, “Dennis, I need you to share. Share the blocks with Spencer.”

“He’s not!” Dennis yelled. 

Spencer was screeching. 

Cynthia grabbed the strainer, just to come to the sink and see it still had dishes in the way. She frowned. The boys were still fighting. It looked like Spencer had even thrown a block at Dennis. Raeyln was full on crying now. 

The garage door started to click open. Her husband was home. 

***

Now, I’m going to share two different ways this story can go once Josh comes home. 

***

#1

Josh had a long day at work, but he had a few accomplishments he was proud of. As he opened the door he heard the boys shouting, the baby crying, and smelled dinner cooking. He sighed. 

“Daddy’s home!” He heard Cythia announce. 

The boys both paused in their shouting, but only long enough to switch over to yelling “daddy!” right before they came running over to him. Dennis, who had longer legs, reached Josh first, but Spencer wasn’t far behind. Josh braced himself as they knocked into him and hugged his legs.

“Whoa there,” he said. 

Josh’s stomach growled as he got another whiff of the food.”Let’s go see what’s for dinner,” he suggested. 

Cynthia came over. “Hey, Josh,” she said with a weary smile. “I just got dinner thrown together. I need to get Rae, can you keep an eye on the boys for a sec?”

His stomach growled again. “Yeah, sure. Come on boys, let’s get plates out. I’m hungry, how about you guys?” The boys followed him into the kitchen while Cynthia went up stairs to grab their daughter. 

When Cynthia walked into the kitchen with Raeyln, Josh and the boys were already eating. Cynthia put Raeyln in her high chair and almost sat down when she announced. “Oh, shoot. I forgot to microwave some vegetables. One sec…” 

Josh continued to eat while she cooked some. Cynthia was the last one to start to eat. When dinner finished, Josh went over to the couch and the boys followed. He played with them while Cynthia juggled cleaning up Raelyn and the dinner mess. 

When asked, Josh took Raelyn so that Cynthia could finish cleaning up. The rest of the evening went by and Josh helped get everyone ready for bed. Once everyone was in bed, they both plopped down on the couch, exhausted. 

Josh grabbed the remote. “Want to watch something?” he asked. 

“Sure,” Cynthia agreed. 

They took it easy for the rest of the night. The next day when Cynhtia woke up, she still felt tired. The days had started to blur into each other as one long, never ending cycle. She had to say a quick goodbye to Josh, because Raelyn woke up early and the boys were demanding breakfast when he needed to slip out the door. 

Josh hardly glanced back at the growing chaos behind him when he went into the garage. It was going to be another long day of work. 

***

In this case we see Josh, Cynthia’s husband, come home and help out. He gets dinner started, plays with the kids, and helps get them ready for bed. This is great. I hope to use this to represent how life can feel and be. I think we can both be trying to keep up with everything as life drags on. I know that not everyone has kids and if you do, that number can vary. Again, this is just meant to illustrate an idea. So, now, let’s look at the next scenario. 

***

#2

Josh had a long day at work, but he had a few accomplishments he was proud of. As he opened the door he heard the boys shouting, the baby crying, and smelled dinner cooking. He took a deep breath and realized Cynthia must have been having a rough time. 

“Daddy’s home!” he heard Cynthia tell their boys. 

The boys both paused in their shouting, but only long enough to switch over to yelling “daddy!” right before they came running over to him. Dennis, who had longer legs, reached Josh first, but Spencer wasn’t far behind. Josh bent down and gave them both a hug. 

“Have you boys been nice to your mom today?” he asked. 

“Yes!” they chorused. 

“Hmmm,” he said with a skeptical smile, “Shall we let her be the judge of that? I thought I might have just heard fighting…” 

Their eyes grew wide as he spoke, but no one had a chance to say more. 

Cynthia came over. “Hey, Josh,” she said with a weary smile. “I just got dinner thrown together. I need to get Rae, can you keep an eye on the boys for a sec?”

He let the boys go, stood up, and went over to hug her. 

She was a little tense. He could tell she was anxious after trying to keep up with all of the different things that had demanded her attention all at once. Raelyn was still crying. So, he kept the hug short. With a smile he said, “Of course. Thank you for making dinner. It smells great.”

She relaxed a little, some energy seeming to come back to her. “Of course. I’m going to get Rae now. Thanks for watching the boys.”

He nodded. “Alright, boys, let’s get ready for dinner,” he said and herded them into the kitchen. There they worked together to get plates and silverware on the table. By the time Cythia came down with Raeyln, Josh had gotten Spencer and Dennis at the table. Everyone had food on their plates.

“I’ll buckle Rae into the high chair,” he offered and took Raelyn from Cynthia. 

“Thank you,” she said. “Oh, shoot. I forgot to microwave some vegetables. One sec…” 

“You’ve had a lot going on,” Josh said. Raelyn was buckled in and looking at her two brothers who had started to poke each other. “Here, I’ll get some vegetables microwaved. Why don’t you start eating? I bet you could sit down. Thank you again for getting the pasta made.” 

“That would be really nice, thank you, Josh.” 

“Thank you for cooking everything else,” he said as he opened the freezer and grabbed the vegetable bag. 

With that he warmed it up and was the last to start eating. Throughout dinner he continued to help with the kids and after dinner, he helped clear things and clean up. He then took the boys outside for the last half hour of sunlight of the day and when he came back and noticed that Cynthia had cleaned some stuff up while they were out, he made sure to thank her. He slowly noticed her spirits rise a little and by the time they got everyone to bed they both fell down on the couch, exhausted. 

“Thank you for all your help,” Cynthia said. “I was getting a bit overwhelmed.” 

“Of course,” Josh said and held his arm out as an invitation for her to curl up next to him. She did. 

“Want to watch something?” he asked next as he reached for the remote. 

“Sure,” she said. 

The following day Cynthia woke up feeling a lot better than she had the night before. In fact, she wanted to surprise Josh when he came home from work with a cleaned up house. She thought about the different times he’d noticed what she’d done and thanked her. Though the tasks of the day still felt a bit daunting, she found that she felt capable of doing them. She found that she wanted to do some of the things so that Josh didn’t have to worry about doing them. She could tell that he’d been tired the night before. Maybe as tired as her, but he’d still taken charge. She could see he genuinely appreciated what she did and just knowing that, made everything not seem as tiring. 

“I got Dennis and Spencer a bowl of cereal,” Josh announced when Cynthia came down stairs with Raelyn. 

“I was wondering where they were,” she said with a smile. “Thank you, Josh.” 

“Of course,” he said with a genuine smile. He could see that she appreciated his help and so, he felt good continuing to do it. 

They kissed and hugged goodbye.

“Have a great day at work,” she told him. “And thank you for working so hard.”

“You too,” he said back. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

***

Perhaps this second scenario may seem cheesy to you, but I have seen this kind of effect in my life. I’ve noticed that when my husband and I have been better at thanking each other and showing appreciation for each other, by not just what we say, but also by what we do, that both of us have felt better. I’ve also noticed it can start a chain reaction. 

When I feel appreciated I feel much more motivated to keep doing good. It becomes easier for me to handle tasks that otherwise would just frustrate me. This doesn’t mean that I’m always happy about doing everything I have to. Far from it. But, the key word is easier. 

This morning I was thinking about appreciation. I realized that when I feel appreciated I suddenly feel a new option emerge for me and I think that is what makes doing something easier. Instead of just feeling like I have to do something because life demands it, I suddenly feel like I can do something to show love. When I don’t feel appreciated, I don’t feel like I have that option. For example, if I wash a load of laundry and my husband doesn’t even notice that anything has been done…or I suppose I should say let me know he’s recognized what I’ve done, then I no longer feel like he cares and like it is a way to show love to him. It just becomes a chore. 

For me, my life feels much brighter when I have a positive reason to do things. Being shown appreciation is something that helps me feel like I have the choice to do something for a positive reason. This has helped me realize that I want to give this gift to others. I want to show them appreciation so that I can help them have easier, happier days. 

Like I tried to show in my second scenario, I believe that to genuinely show appreciation, it takes more than just saying thank you. First of all, it takes noticing that there is something to say thank you for. This means becoming aware of what is happening around me. In the first scenario I tried to show that Josh didn’t even registar how tiring things must have been for Cynthia. In the second scenario I had him notice and do something about it. Because I believe that doing something can mean more than just saying thank you. I also think that by saying and doing things to show appreciation, that it can motivate someone else to want to do more. That’s why I wrote about Cynthia wanting to do more for Josh the next day. 

I don’t think that life is as simple as saying thank you or not. At times it is easier to do this than others. Though I know how wonderful it is for me to be appreciated, I know I often fall short with remembering to give that gift to others. I hope that writing this can help remind me to strive to be better now. I know that this isn’t the only reminder I will need, but my hope is that the more I practice showing appreciation, the easier it will be to do and keep up with.