“If you have doubts about the validity of the restoration or the veracity of Joseph Smith’s divine calling as a prophet, choose to believe and stay faithful! Take your questions to the Lord, and the other faithful sources. Study with a desire to believe, rather than the hope that you can find a flaw in the fabric of a prophet’s life or a discrepancy in the scriptures. Stop increasing your doubts by rehearsing them with other doubters. Allow the Lord to lead you on your journey of spiritual discovery.”

Russell M. Nelson almost word for word quote

Why should someone only look at what the leaders of the LDS church define as “faithful sources”? Does that mean to only look at things they have written, spoken, or endorsed? If they’re really God’s prophets and apostles, that would make sense, wouldn’t it? If they are what they claim, this means that we should be able to trust them completely, right? Shouldn’t their words or things with their stamp of approval be trustworthy? 

When I was a member, I believed the narrative that Satan was powerful, cunning, and deceptive. I thought that Satan had grasped the hearts of anyone who spoke negatively about the church and worked through them to try to bring others astray. The idea of stumbling across “anti-Mormon” literature terrified me. I thought myself a faithful member, but even the elect could be deceived, right? Therefore we needed a prophet to help us navigate life safely.

I used to be able to think that I needed another man (albeit a man who claimed to speak for God) to help me steer through the many sources around me so I wouldn’t be deceived. That used to make sense to me because I believed the LDS church was 100% true, just like I’d been taught since I was born. But, what if those men aren’t really God’s mouthpiece? After all, they are the ones making that claim and giving me the method to discern that they are indeed God’s mouthpiece— one which doesn’t allow for me to honorably conclude that they aren’t what they say. 

What if God isn’t what they say He is? After all, so many people believe different things about “God”…is there a chance that I’d been biased to believe that I just so happened to be born into the truth? Or did I just really want to believe that? What if God is what those men claim, but they aren’t really speaking for Him? How would anyone ever know using the method President Nelson is telling everyone to use? Isn’t that method the kind of thing that an abusive person would tell someone they are abusing to do? “Trust me and only me. Don’t listen to anyone else. Stop doubting me.” To me, that sounds abusive. It sounds like someone who has something to hide. Not someone who is trustworthy, honest, and has nothing to conceal. 

But that’s not really what Nelson said, you might say. He is saying to bring your doubts to the Lord and other faithful sources. But…he’s the one said to be speaking for the Lord. He’s also one of the people defining what those “faithful sources” are. He’s saying to go to the Lord, but that by doing so, you’ll get the answers that he (Nelson) has told you that you’ll get. And if you don’t, you need to keep “study[ing] with a desire to believe” and keep praying to get the answer he’s said you will (that the LDS church is true and that what he says is right)… And yes, Nelson hasn’t directly said to just listen to him…but to listen to the many who agree with him. Hmmm, that still seems questionable to me. 

If someone or something had nothing to hide, I’d more so expect them to say, “Go ahead, take a look. I have nothing to hide, so no matter what you stumble across, I’m not afraid that it will condemn me.” But instead, Nelson says “choose to believe.” He’s saying from the start that you must begin with the assumption that he is right. You must choose to believe the church’s claims (the claims he makes). Not start from a neutral place — a place that seems more fair to me. Again, if the LDS church really is true and has nothing to hide, then why hide? Why not let other sources be looked at. Is Satan really that powerful? That is…if Satan even really does exist? Or…what if he was even made up as a way to explain the pain, confusion, and horrible things happening in the world? And as a way to scare people? 

For me, I decided that if the LDS church really was what it claimed, it should have nothing to hide. If God really was who I believed Him to be, He wouldn’t just let me be led away from Him when I genuinely was trying to find Him and understand. So, I did what Nelson just told everyone else not to do. I shared my doubts with doubters. I listened to their doubts and concerns. I listened even though what they brought up tore my reality apart and left me confused, scared, and overwhelmed by the feeling of loss. That was just for a time though. Even though how I looked and thought about everything got reshaped and that reshaping was painful, I like where I’ve come out. It feels more honest and more earned to me. 

But, aren’t I an example of what Nelson said could happen if you don’t follow what he just said to do? I suppose, in some ways I am. But, in other ways, I am not. I am in the way that I’ve left. That I can no longer see things the same way and thus couldn’t continue to believe as he instructed me to. But that is because I decided to think for myself. Not how he told me to think. So…isn’t what happened just a natural consequence? If the Church really isn’t true, how would my story look any different? Prophets and apostles have just encouraged one way of thinking. One way of finding answers. And that there are just certain answers to find (their answers). But how would it look if they are wrong? Are they even letting anyone consider that possibility when they talk like Nelson just did in the above quote? I don’t think so. I think that what he is saying to do leaves no room for him to be wrong. 

But again, if there is nothing to hide, if the Church is true, then why does he need to promote a method like that? Why does he have to encourage, from the start, choosing to believe it is true? Why does he have to say to only look at faithful sources? Why does he have to say to not even share your doubt with other doubters? 

What he says would seem more honest and inspired to me if he instead said:

“If you have doubts about the validity of the restoration or the veracity of Joseph Smith’s divine calling as a prophet, then go ahead and do research. Look at everything that is out there. Study any source. If what we believe of the Lord is true, then I believe He will help you navigate them and know what is right and what isn’t. But, if we’ve been wrong about what we’ve thought about the Lord, then I suppose we ought to find that out. So, study with a desire to find the truth, rather than the assumption that we are right. If you think that you can find a flaw in the fabric of a prophet’s life or a discrepancy in the scriptures, go ahead and see if you can. Don’t be afraid to share your doubts with other doubters. Allow critical thinking and truth to lead you on your journey of self-discovery. And, if you find something questionable, let us know! We don’t want to be deceived either. If we’ve been wrong, let’s find out together. Let’s correct the error of our ways and grow. So, join me in a search for truth, and let’s be brave enough to face that it may not lead us where we thought it would.”