As I put away my plastic cutting board from my dishwasher a little while ago  I thought about how someone in the past told me I shouldn’t use those, because little bits of plastic would get in my food. Even though the idea of eating little bits of plastic doesn’t appeal to me, I’ve never stopped. I even bought a couple bamboo cutting boards and I still use the plastic ones more. 

On the other hand, I once had someone comment how they kept the toilet lid down after using it because they didn’t like how it splashed little bits of water and stuff around. For the past few years I also did this, though I hadn’t before. I only recently became indifferent to it again. 

Why did I do one thing and not the other? 

I think there are a number of reasons. For example, one didn’t require as much effort for me to change, while the other required a bit more. But, the reason that stands out in my mind is how the information was presented to me. The first person told me what I should do, the second told me what they do. 

When someone tells me what to do I can feel a small part of myself want to fight it, whatever it is. This desire to fight against the suggestion varies, but I think that being told what to do can bring it up. I don’t believe I’m alone in this. Whereas, when someone tells me something they do without saying that I should do it too, I instead usually find myself more free to wonder about it. I don’t have to defend myself and why I don’t do that thing, instead I can think of why they do it and if that action would fit into my life as well. 

I’ve noticed that, despite knowing my reaction to receiving new information, I still struggle to be the one that just shares my own thoughts instead of giving advice. Sometimes advice is even asked for, but even when it is, I still think it is easier for me to receive when I’m not told I have to do it. The odd thing is, when I’m on the end of trying to help someone, it feels counterintuitive to me to leave it up to them to decide what they make of it instead of telling them it will be good for them and they should do it. This is especially the case if I think I have gained more knowledge or experience with the information I’m sharing. 

Reflecting on the two different instances in which I got advice reminded me of how I want to strive more to trust people to make their own decisions instead of telling them what will make their life better. I realize that sometimes it may be good to be more direct, but I’d imagine that, that is the exception. My theory is that if I work harder to just share things that work for me, that if that information will help someone, they’ll be more likely to use it if I don’t tell them they have to. And, if they decide not to, then I hope I can be okay with that too. After all, they know more about their life and circumstances than I do.